Being the youngest of seven, six of them sisters - I always had one hen or another looking after me. Sometimes they'd pass me off like a football - Mom would ask Jaimie to watch me while she went to the store, but Jaimie being 16 had plans with friends so she'd pass me off to Dawn, who would take me down to the park but meet up with friends and tell Heidie to watch me, who'd meet up with Renee and tell her to bring me home, etc. etc. I usually ended up back at home with the right family by dark, which was the only time I remember our Mother looking for us. Back then that was the norm - children didn't have computers and playstations - You were SUPPOSED to disappear and come home by dark covered in dirt.
When I was about 10 years old there were only 3 out of the 7 kids remaining at home. The rest had grown and started their own crazy families. We'd just moved out of State, living in Ohio for a short period of time. Our Mother had to have surgery on her kidneys, back in CT. Since my parents would be out of town for at least four to six weeks, they asked one of my sister's boyfriend's Mother to keep an eye on us, stop by the house, etc.
Even though my sisters Heidie and Renee were 15 and 16, Mom felt better having an adult watch out for us. Unfortunately the person she had watching us needed watching! As soon as my parents left, the woman took "help yourself to whatever you need" literally. She raided the cupboards, her sons helped themselves to my Dad's garage and they turned our beautiful ranch into a trailer complete with an engine block up on chains and a busted car on cinder blocks. If my father were to come back then and see his dead grass, tools strewn - you would have read all about the Ohio Massacre of 1983. Luckily for them my parents just threatened their lives over the phone and told them to get the hell outta Dodge.
The Babysitter from Hell retaliated by making a phone call of her own.
A few days later, I had just finished feeding the cats outside when I came back into the house with my eyes closed jammin' with my wicked cool Walkman radio on. I was singing to the top of my lungs "Dr. Pepper, Driiiiiiiink Dr. Pepper YEAAHHH", when I bumped into someone in the door way.
I opened my eyes and saw a black suit. A very nice black suit with a very angry looking woman in it. When I'd bumped into her, I still had the cat food can and spoon in my hands and I got it on her sleeve. "Come with me dear, we need to pack a few things, you're going to come with us." I yelled for Heidie and I saw her with another lady, asking her who the hell they thought they were and why were they in our house, all moving very fast towards the front door. My other sister Renee came around the corner with a Police Officer escorting her out (wow they really did their prep work).
"It was reported that you children have been abandoned and you are all going to have to come with us." The ogre who was looking after us was so angry at being fired, she placed a call to the Department of Children and Families and reported us. It all happened very fast and if I were on Dr. Phil I'm sure I'd be sobbing about how tragic the experience was, but honestly it was hysterical watching a cop struggle to put my petite 4'9" sister in the back of a cop car.
When we got to the orphanage - YES - I said ORPHANAGE - as in old, turn of the century, prisonesque, haunted house looking ORPHANAGE - we were brought into the Director's Office. Heidie and I sat in the two big wing-back chairs in front of the Director's desk. Renee asked to use the bathroom, which was located within the office. While Heidie demanded we be allowed to call our Mother, Renee was yelling from the bathroom; "At least our house has f'n TOILET PAPER!". This woman had nooooo idea who she was getting. In my best Tweety Bird Voice I said, "She don't know us vewy well now DOoOOOooo she!"
An assistant came into the office while Heidie was on the phone with our Mother. She whispered to me, "You look hungry child, are you hungry? We have some chili dogs in the kitchen." I was going through a wicked growth spurt at the time and quickly replied with Puss N Boots eyes, "I haven't eaten in days!". She brought me to the kitchen and placed 2 giant chili dogs in front of me, which I devoured as if the whole shpeel about not eating were true. The truth was, I'd eaten cookies for breakfast and whatever else I'd wanted for more than a week, but she didn't have to know the truth just yet. "Would you like another?", she asked. "Yeth pleath", I replied with a full mouth. She whispered to another lady, "Poor thing is starving." I swung my legs under the table and gleefully gulped down my 2nd dinner for the day.
Meanwhile in the office, my Mother's voice could be heard shouting through the phone throughout the entire house. She was contacting her attorney if we were not released to our cousin Claire within the hour.
Apparently they didn't believe that would happen, because they proceeded to show us to our "room". We walked up the long, creaky staircase past a door with an alarm. "THAT", she scowled, "is the BOYS side. DO NOT go through that door." No problem for me, I still believed boys had cooties. The room we were to share had old rusted metal beds and a drinking fountain that was stained with orange and yellow streaks. The whole scene was just like the movies, dark and dreary and scary as hell. "Don't bother showing us any more, we won't be here one night!", shouted Renee.
I wondered how long it would be before my sisters made their escape and if they would leave me there. I knew I'd have to plan an escape as well - but just when I was weighing freedom vs. chili dogs, our Aunt came through the door and we were OUT of there. Not without Renee of course having the last word... "I TOLD YOU we wouldn't be here the night you fat bi&$*#!". Skipping behind my sisters out of the Orphanage front door, I stopped at the sweet lady from the kitchen and asked, "one for the road?".
