Something about me seems to annoy Oriental people. Not quite sure what it is. I do have this condition, kind of like Turrets Syndrome but not exactly, where instead of shouting out vulgarities I unconsciously have uncontrollable facial expressions. I've caught myself squinting my eyes and shriveling up my nose when talking to and trying to understand the man at the Chinese Restaurant or the Korean Lady at The Nail Salon. I don't mean to, it just happens, which I can see leads to them thinking I'm picking on them and the whole thing usually ends uncomfortably for me.
When I worked at the local newspaper, my friend Lisa and I would go to lunch at the same little Chinese Buffet almost every day for over two years. Tiny little dive. The owner's son ran the place, and you could tell he wasn't thrilled to be there in the first place. He was an angry little man. A new Chinese restaurant opened across the street. He started hanging discount signs in the windows to try and beat the competition. All hand-written on colored paper. First 20% off lunch buffet, 30% off, 40% and higher each week until eventually all the windows and a sidewalk sign were covered in crazy hand-written "60% OFF LUNCH" signs.
We kept going. The food was cheap and he was hysterical. He got to know us pretty well, and soon felt comfortable to say whatever he wanted. He'd yell at Lisa when she'd try to pay for her $4.00 lunch with a debit card; "WHY YOU NO HAVE PAPER MONEY!?! All da time you never have paper f'n money! Debit card cost me money!", but he'd still take it, angrily. Same thing would happen almost every visit. She'd whip out her debit card for $3.50 worth of fried shrimp and he'd say, "Stupid beaches, why you never have paper money!?!". We'd laugh 'till we cried. One day there was a huge storm coming in, the sky was black and giant clouds were moving in fast. As Lisa and walked in the restaurant, we saw him and said, "Hey looks like a big storm's coming!", to which he replied, "I don't fucking care! It's HOT!". For Christmas he gave each of us a calendar. A calendar with Chinese girls in bikinis leaning on sports cars. Maybe he thought we were lesbians? Or maybe he thought we were just stupid beaches.
